Lets be honest…
Do your social media pages portray your real life … because I know mine sure don’t.
Everything looks perfect from the outsiders perspective, which can be harmful especially to the younger generation being raised in this social media craze. Now by no means am I saying that I am old, but I did grow up without a cell phone and I was only allowed to use our large desktop computer for my Garfield typing game – oh and thanks to that game and my mom I can type pretty darn good.
I feel like not enough people, including myself, share what is really going on in their lives. We don’t need to share it all, but I feel like we should be able to post some of the harder times and difficult things we overcome without feeling like we are going to be judged by everyone saying that we are just “seeking attention”.
This post came to my mind as I was scrolling through the photos of my best friends wedding that took place this past weekend. In all of the pictures I look relatively happy – even the ones of me with tears in my eyes are happy tears and you can tell that just from the picture. However, a picture I do not have is one of my having an anxiety attack in front of everyone before giving my speech.
Being in the bridal party, you normally sit in a long table at the front of everyone else for dinner. In our case we were actually elevated on a stage, which was decorated beautifully. As soon as I sat down I could not eat. I kept trying too because I did not want to be rude, but I had to stop because if I took one more bite I would throw up. Literally blow salmon chunks on the bride … yup.
I could not control myself and I began bawling with massive tear drops – I kid you not they were the size of large rain drops falling from my eyes. I could not hear anything my best friend was saying to me, nor the bridesmaid to my other side. Life was a blur in that moment and all I could think about was trying to breath. I remember saying to my best friend “Do not follow me to the bathroom, I don’t want to puke on your pretty dress”. I have no clue who was looking at me or what they were thinking. I felt as if I had blacked out; I am surprised I made it down the stairs.
Once I got to the bathroom it took me a while to collect myself – well at least I think it did I can’t remember. When I came out my boyfriend was there because he has seen my anxiety attack face before and knew what was happening. I felt so stupid at the time because I literally could not do anything to stop it and it was all because of a speech I had to say. Not even that I had to say it because she told me I didn’t have to, but I wanted too.
Even afterwards as I was saying the speech tears were welling up in my eyes and my throat was catching. Did everyone there know I was coming down from an attack? No. Is it something I shared with everyone? No.
Why? Because I felt embarrassed.
We should not have to feel embarrassed about things we go through no matter how stupid they may seem to someone who doesn’t understand them. I feel like if we share more about our struggles we can help spread awareness about what someone may be going through and not be so quick to judge.
Anyways, the point of this little post was to say don’t believe everything that you see. If you look at my social media pages I look happy, but behind some smiles there is another side that the viewer does not see. I am sure there are some exceptions, however I feel like most peoples social media is a highlight reel.
Well, these are my late night thoughts for you all today. I should be in bed right now, but I couldn’t help but write. I hope this post enlightened you about the struggles of some and hopefully you can feel like you know more about me. I love connecting with my little family on here. This is not a pity post by any means, just something that has been on my mind for a while that I felt like is very necessary to share in this ever technology consuming world we now live in ❤
Until next time,
xoxo
